seriously...when do you ever have to dress 6 other girls for a special occasion as well as yourself ?!
my biggest stress this last 2 weeks has been bridesmaids dresses...i know what i want, but what i want i can't find and getting them made is too much head space when the wedding is now only 8 weeks away!
I have been giving this burden over to God....OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And i have been taking it back off him OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Why can I not let this one go?!!!!
I am loving wedding planning...and I am so super excited...I love the adrenaline rush of it all being so soon. I have loved watching God provide detail after detail...
BUT
There is something huge that I am battling with...control.
In past years I have learned to be quick to give up control and trust God. the reality of what it would be like if I took control and did it all VS. God taking control and doing it all...there's just no comparison...so I have been quick to give it over (once I've realised I have taken control) it's not always been an easy process, more a humbling exprerience in every situation...but mostly I have been able to give it over to him and leave it there...
but this wedding....I just keep coming back.
Reading Russ' latest blog of course I am challenged too...(thanks Russ)
Is being a daughter enough? not just for the wedding day, the wedding planning, but for today.
For me; in my actions, in taking everything back from God, in my feeble, fickle, moments of surrender that don't seem to last, I have been saying 'no, it's not enough'...let me do it instead.
URGHHHHHHHH
and honestly, I have walked myself to a place where I am tired, I am unsatisfied, I am stressed, I am missing my Dad and I feel alone.
But the only reason I feel alone is because I chose to do it on my own...daily, for the last month or so.
I'm sorry Papa, and I need you. Again and always.
it is enough, just to be your daughter.
JUST TO UPDATE: The NEXT day, i found the PERFECT dresses, for the PERFECT price and the PERFECT fit for all of my bridesmaids who are from various parts of Canada and Wales! GOD DOES IT SO MUCH BETTER THAN I DO!! and He is so good. YAY!!! Thank you Father!!!